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My Fear Of Being labelled “Single”
I have defined myself by my relationship status. I usually find pride in saying “I am with him” and that gives me some feeling of accomplishment as I hope to be Mrs Someone, someday soon. That was me at 21 and honestly that’s still me today at 31. I have become a prisoner to my relationship status and every time I don’t have one I feel like I am failing myself. Everyone, and I mean everyone is getting married around me but not me.
Growing up in the northern part of Nigeria, it's tough... by the time you are 18 everyone is hopeful you would be married soon. By 21 you are expected to at least have someone steady so that once you are done with university you would be married. Hmm but when life throws you curve balls like bad men and heartbreakers, you have to either rethink, realign or fall into some sort of deep depression.
I was depressed! What am I saying? I am still depressed! My last fiancé left me a month to our wedding; everything was bought and invites were about to be sent out. He said “I never quite sat well with his mum” and he apologised for days and was gone. We dated for three years and I never quite sat well with your mum... really? As quick as I can, I found another guy and tried to move on to ensure no one labels me as “single”.
I have found another guy, this guy wants to marry me... he has very poor qualities and I fear for our relationship but he is rich. He would take care of me; atleast money will never be an issue... hopefully. I am 31... and about to make the biggest mistake of my life by marrying a man I don't know if I love; but as an Arewa woman I would continue to be judged for being single. I have defined myself by my relationship status and come 2018 I would be Mrs Somebody.
Tell us what you think below.
I’m not looking for them, so that I have someone to help me pay my bills or so I can cut down on my end of the housework.
If we get married we want someone else to provide for us or we’re just playing house or we’ve decided our dreams aren’t worth pursuing
The world teaches women to see themselves through the eyes of men. If you’re too loud, the world says no man will put up with that.