News & Blog
My life as a Step Daughter (Part 1)
Dinner time in my house use to be my favourite time. That was then!
"Dahling how is your food?" my dad said
A part of me knows that my dad had said something but I couldn’t understand what he was saying or maybe I just couldn’t hear him clearly through my own haze and thoughts. This man I call my father had disrupted my life without a single explanation. I am unsure if he explained to my mother, his wife of 17 years why he decided to change what had become our lives, our routine, and our world.
They say I am a child, what does she know; she would understand when she is older. She would understand when she is matured enough to assimilate and dissect this complex issue that now surrounds my every breath.
"Jaleelah is coming to dinner tomorrow night" dad said again and broke my thoughts.
All i hear are screams in my head! How dare he! I wanted to scream out everything I was thinking but I couldn’t... no I wouldn’t... no I dare not. How can I, when Baba is the king of the house, our master, our giver but still he ended up being something I had never tagged him as before... a home wrecker.
"Jaleelah" i said to my self.... "What a pretentious name”....
You see, from my childish perspective my father had wrecked our beautiful peaceful family and now my brother and i will have to manage the new arrangement. Since his new wife (Jaleelah) came our new Mama as he puts it, our father only spends some nights in our house instead of all nights.
I am broken inside me as the only man I have ever loved had broken my heart and torn my world apart. It doesn’t help that my mother tells me everything bothering her. I know more things about my parents’ relationship than any child my age should. I know things that would never be erased and have forever tarnished my image of my father. I don’t think my mother is weak, I just think she is dealing with the situation how she see right at this exact moment.
As a girl I may face such a challenge in my life due to my environment and religion. It scares me! I tell you I am very scared! I see my mother, she is broken and shadow of her former self. When people say its jealousy I don’t believe them because I see a woman that is heartbroken. This man for seventeen years has told her she is his world, she is his reason for living, we are all he breathes for, we are his life. Now he isn’t there some nights... he has created a new life with his new wife, he has redefined his wants, found a new normal and created for us an abnormal.
I’m not looking for them, so that I have someone to help me pay my bills or so I can cut down on my end of the housework.
If we get married we want someone else to provide for us or we’re just playing house or we’ve decided our dreams aren’t worth pursuing
The world teaches women to see themselves through the eyes of men. If you’re too loud, the world says no man will put up with that.