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Should I Marry Him or Not?

This is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make: “Should I marry him?” .Was talking to a friend recently and this is what she had to say about her relationship.

“I told him last night I didn’t deserve to be treated like that and I loved myself to much to let him continue,” she says. “So he called me this morning and apologized but the damage is already done. I am thinking of breaking up with him and letting go, but I don’t want to end up alone..... I’m scared. When I think about our future, including getting mentally abused, I get upset. I want to get married, but should I marry him? I keep praying he’ll finally change completely and treat me the way I deserve. I don’t want to end up like the woman of these post that marry someone and spend years in this. I can’t live like that. In my heart I know I deserve better. My head tells me let go but my heart says stay.”

All I could tell her was

Don’t marry him if he engages in bullying tactics. Let’s be honest here—nobody likes a bully. Sadly, bullying occurs in many marriages and relationships. A bully pushes you around and wants to make you cower in his presence. A bully is like a termite. He is always trying to get inside of you and weaken you at your foundation. He wants to eat away at your interior so he can control you

Don’t marry him if he tries to manipulate you. Does he try to “pull your strings” as if you were a puppet? And more importantly, does he continuously attempt to manipulate your actions, your feelings, your behaviours, and your aspirations? Some men always want to steer you towards a conclusion they would draw, not one you would. Manipulation is an insidious form of control.

Don’t marry him if he cannot be trusted. We’ve found over the years what the best marriages have at their core—TRUST. In those marriages that survive over time, they all report to us that their undying trust for each other carried them through the good times and the bad. Without complete trust, you cannot stay in the relationship.

Don’t marry him if he exhibits financial warning signs. Since the number one cause of disagreements in a marriage are financially related, it’s critical to notice warning signs present in the guy you think you want to marry. Here are just a few warning signs to pay careful attention to: He is often out of work. He spends his money on a lot of personal “toys” without regard for the consequences. You often end up paying the bill when you go out to dinner, a movie, or a concert.

Recognizing these characteristics could save you from a life of unhappiness, distress, and, very often, danger.

Far too many women mistakenly enter into a marriage believing that a man’s behaviours can change. It rarely ever does. Terrible disappointment is the only possible outcome. Don’t marry a guy you think you can change. Marry a man that you love completely.


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Photo: Betty  Dyuran
Betty Dyuran
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